Live Life?

It is not surprising if at any one point in time of life, we all have had a fleeting moment thinking about death. But what if one goes to sleep every single night wishing never to wake up to see light ever again?

I feel so wronged and misunderstood. I thought they were more supportive than that, I thought their love was unconditional. I don't deal with anger in the healthiest manner, so I hate being overly angry. But I'm angry now, very angry in fact.

Having an attitude does not mean that one has a character problem. It just means that he/she is more expressive than what others can accept.

Love

You lose one, and you gain one. It may not be today, not tomorrow, not the day after. But some day, you will. I will.

[may anne] nj4 [O.F.M Addict] says (10:23 AM):
im gg to replace my necklace
[may anne] nj4 [O.F.M Addict] says (10:23 AM):
want to buy myself a new one
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:23 AM):
pffft
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:23 AM):
no, i buy u
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:23 AM):
pfft!
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:23 AM):
AH! i know
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:24 AM):
i buy u 1200dollars necklace
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:24 AM):
u make sure u wear everyday
[may anne] nj4 [O.F.M Addict] says (10:24 AM):
why 1200$
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:24 AM):
DSLR! =D
[may anne] nj4 [O.F.M Addict] says (10:24 AM):
HAHAHAHA, u buy i sure wear everyday!
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:24 AM):
DSLR NECKLACE!
[1O] Jay-Jay [MA] says (10:24 AM):
U MAKE SURE U WEAR!


At times like this, I don't know if I should love or hate him. When he's nice, he really is, but it still does not and will never erase the hurt.

Then again, all of the above are just words. To change for the better, only actions will show.

When you think you've got the best guy in the world, the golden egg in the basket, or the cream of the crop, think again. Nothing can ever be too good to be true.

And again, I woke up choking back hot tears. I wonder how long it will take before I stop breaking down suddenly at work, at home, in the shower, before bed time, and upon waking.

2 kg in a week is definitely not funny. And I thought July could be a month filled with happy posts from my trip to Sydney. Sadly, all that I brought home was a whole luggage of pain and more. I deserve better, I think I do.

Despite knowing the fact that I'd be arriving in a few hours' time, she still wanted to go over to spend time with him. That night, he was over at his friend's place, but what happened after he got home, I do not know.

I should trust him when he said that no, she did not go over after he got home, but after all that has happened, I find it hard, so very hard, despite how much I really want to believe.

I wake up everyday, hoping that this is just a nightmare, but it isn't. Waking up to a piercing heart is simply not nice. Sure, time will heal, but the scars will stay.

My suspicions were true. Yet I've been fooled around by them, which led me to think that perhaps I was being way too analytical and overly-suspicious.

The man I love, the woman girl involved, and the housemate. Lie after lie. I feel like a fool. And I was made to apologise to her for something that I should be the one being apologised to instead.

Been troubled since I was there, all the way till last night, when everything tumbled out. There's only so much I can take. Have any of you thought about me for a moment, that I'm only human, and there's only so much pain a living soul can take.

I'm hurting, and none of you will ever understand the pain I'm experiencing, unless you're being put through the same load of shit as I was put through. What did I do to any of them to deserve this?

A Year Went By

So it has been exactly a year since Dada left us, which also marks the 1st Anniversary since my 3rd Pneumothorax attack. Funny how a year had past, yet everything from that night is still so fresh and vivid in my head.

With this, it also means that in just a couple of days' time, it would be a year since Sparky went missing. =(

I miss, I miss, I miss.

Does it mean anything at all if someone has thoughts of ending one's life every so often? How serene it would be to be free from life's evil clutches, and love's painful stabs. Even friends fail you sometimes.

So really, is there any special meaning for one to harbour after-life thoughts?

In just a couple of days, I will be moving on to the next phase of my working life. I'm excited, anxious, happy and sad, all at once.

I know for a fact that I will miss majority of the people here. I'm really excited for Monday, and I hope the people and environment there will be conducive and friendly!

And I Wonder.

Many a times, I question my existence. Is that a bad sign? Without a doubt, I know it is.

The Simple Joy Some People Can Give.

This morning, I received the biggest day-maker in the past one month that I have been feeling gloomy.

The ex-treasurer of my current company sent me a message via WhatsApp, asking me why was my iPhone WhatsApp status on 痛 a.k.a Pain.

For someone who only had business dealings with me, I was pleasantly surprised when I received the text from her. Sure, she did ask how I was before, many months ago, but that was following a text exchange regarding work. This round, upon getting WhatsApp, and upon seeing my status, she came forward showing so much concern.

Mrs Teo, I really appreciate it. Your students at RGS are really blessed to have a teacher like you around.

It's A Start.

Today, we are 38 months old. I hope we are able to put all the sins and bad memories behind us. Hurt caused cannot be undone, and scars will stay. But with time, I'm sure they will fade away.

Perhaps this was a test for us, to see if we can survive through this ordeal together as one. But it really wasn't necessary and not worth it either. Work with me, and not work against me. I know we will see the light at the end of the tunnel together.

The most important factor is honesty. I still love you.

Weird.

The recent days seem to be passing way too slowly and way too quickly concurrently. I know it is such a contradiction but really, such feelings within are so unexplainable.

5 weeks since I last saw them, but no, I'm not excited nor am I looking forward to tomorrow. If I could procrastinate longer, I would.