The skin on my body is a canvas for my "art pieces". Sometimes, it feels really damn good to inflict pain on oneself.

To draw blood from beneath those delicate skin, is like oozing red paint onto that piece of canvas on me.

A few visible ones remind me of things, of people. And it's not all that nauseating. Those markings play as a constant reminder for me.

I suppose I won't be painting my canvas any time so soon. But I'll definitely not discard it away. For it's a good outlet for me. My skin.

Zilch originality. Ripping off a small part from others is bad enough. But even words/way of phrasing?

It was quite entertaining initially, but it's starting to get very irritating.

Question: If you do not know someone at all, not even acquainted the least bit, how would you know what's going through his/her mind? How would you know how he/she thinks?

The answer would be that most of the time, more often than not, people use assumptions and 90% of the time, the assumptions concocted are wrong and very far from the truth.

It gets even tougher when people try to get at you, for reasons you don't know about. Bearing in mind that you don't know them at all. It's weird, this world we live in. Or the people rather. -shrugs-

muahahahahah i was here --> The boy did this.

Anyway, he was so so so so so sweet! Knowing that I've been craving for jellybeans for quite a few days now, he actually went down to Candy Empire to get me a HUGE canister of jellybeans! =)))

And the best part, my boy was waiting around the corner of my house for me to return from school. A million =)! Such a gem!


My model for the night. -- Paradise for joy, doom for waistline.

So weird that everyone's been having weird dreams of late. He just told me over the phone that it's due to the dream-maker being on vacation, and his assistant is doing a horribly bad job, hence causing eveyone to be having weird dreams.

How lame can my boy get? Lame but cute. =)

Went for NPAP 2007 yesterday. He was GOH commander 1. Happy for him that this big event is a memorable way to mark the end of his service to the Corps as a CI. He's so hot in No.1. Heh!


Ahmad, Ros, myself, Jay-Jay


The boy & I

For three years,
I've been stuck with it.
One of the many fears,
That I cannot beat.

Day after day,
Night after night,
I battle it,
With all my might.

The road ahead,
Seems so bleak.
What is it,
That I seek?

Every night,
I cannot sleep.
I want out,
That is it.


*I know this is a pretty weak attempt at poetry. But that's how I really feel. As I lay in bed, suddenly the words started rhyming in my head. So here I am, with my thoughts.

Yes, that's a mango and it's barely the size of my palm. Mind you, palm, not my hand. My palm is considered quite small, so go figure how cute that mango is!

Surprisingly, looks can be deceiving. I thought a mango with such size would barely have any hint of sweetness. Boy, was I wrong.

Just remembered this lame thing that occurred about 3-4 weeks back.

I cannot remember what led me to say 'chao ji bai chi' which means super idiotic in Mandarin. Then that crazy boy just went "ORH! You scold bad word!", and that really left me bewildered. He then told me to repeat what I just said and I did. THEN it dawned on me what that "bad word" was.

The 2nd and 3rd word. -_- I so wanted to whack him hard! Goes to show who's the one who curses more huh? -points finger at him-

Gary just called me and told me that my picture has been uploaded by someone on hardwarezone. Totally WTF.

Apparently it was a picture taken on Valentine's 2006 in Swensen's. And the comment was that picture of mine resembled Tanya Chua. My face is -________- right now.

These people are obviously too free, with too much time on hand to waste to do things like this. Tsk.

War zone. Was packing my wardrobe earlier, and the mess you see is less than half of the entire content. I think it's even barely 1/3 of it.

Initially wanted to throw out clothes that I've not worn for at least half a year, but I ended up repacking most of them back into the wardrobe. Every time I try to clear my closet, I'll end up only throwing out a bag full, at most 2 bags full. Simply because much of the clothes in there have sentimental values to me.

I have this bag full of ballet stuff (leotards, assorted skirts, ballerina shoes, and the black one which I can't remember the exact name for it), items which lasted me 6 years of my Primary school life. Then I have this corner stacked high up with NPCC uniforms, from the days when I was a little cadet, then to the blissfully torturous CIBTC, and right through CI-ship.

So, success rate of trying to clear my wardrobe? Maybe only 10%.

The idiotic kind of things I do when I get bored while studying. HAHAHA! Apparently, I had ALL the colours, but I lost the black one during the time when I was working at Prudential. Damn.

All he said over SMS was, "erm. don't leave school so soon."

I had lesson from 6-9pm today, and I had company all the way home after class. Thank you. =)

We've been having longer days recently. The picture above was taken from my bedroom window at 7.20pm, yet the sky was still quite bright. Looks as though it was around 6.30pm.

Another upcoming weekend burnt for school, and that includes Sunday. So boring. Tsk.

The pot calling the kettle black. You're not fit to accuse me of lying, for you've lied far worse. That damn clubbing one was a classic example. And I only told you I missed you once. So your line of "stop telling me u miss me and all that crap" is a damn joke. You are not that great.

Also, the fact that you constantly changed reasons for asking me to move on proves even more so. First was because you wanted me to move on, to forget you. Then it was because of the change of my MSN name. You can't even get your reasoning right, lest keep it constant. Fancy telling someone to move on, yet blog about being disappointed with that person for moving on so soon. What contradictory.

And you did cut me off totally, even as a normal friend. So don't try to cover up by saying I was the one holding on to hope hence accusing you of cutting me off. If you loathe me, it's fine by me. As least he's far more understanding than you are. He knows that things can't be put aside overnight and he's willing to take the risk.

It's a joke if you dare say you're still very much in contact with her. Why do I even give a damn. I'm very much over you as of now, and I'm very glad that I am.

You couldn't tell all those to me directly, resorting to blogging it out. So here's to you. This post is a complete waste of my time, but at least I feel better and lighter.

I awoke in tears again, with an extremely weird dream right before I woke up. I wonder if there were any hidden messages behind the dream I had. Here's roughly how my dream went:

"My accomplices (whom I didn't see even a single one of their faces) and I were killing baddies in a police premise with hand-guns, knives and aerosol sprays (yes, I can see the HUH look on your faces, aerosol sprays?!)

So anyway, there were this fresh batch of young police officers that came into the room I was in and I accidently stabbed one of them to death, mistaking that he was one of the baddie (because the baddies were dressed in police uniforms as well). Damn, I just killed a very good looking young officer by accident. So I fled.

I ran and ran and I practically superman-ed down the flight of stairs (the feeling was so damn real and I was like damn high on adrenaline!). And I ran across the field, joining some school kids who were training for their Napfa or something to that extent.

I had no idea what brought me back to the front of the police building, where I sat in someone's car (not very sure who, could be a cabbie, could be my accomplice). Then another young (and damn suave) police officer came, and sprayed me with the damn aerosol spray (because I sprayed him with it earlier up in the building), and it was then that I cried, because the spray was stinging my eyes badly. Prior to that I already wanted to cry, for killing an innocent officer, the aerosol spray was an added catalyst.

That officer who sprayed me left me there for about a minute or so, then as he was about to bend in to give me a hug, I woke up, with real tears in my eyes."

Sigh, so what did this weird dream mean at all (if there's any meaning to it)?