confused...perplexed...huh?
i juz read ur journal...it seems 2 b a dialogue...like u r tokin 2 ur inner self...seems like the devil n angel in u r havin a conversation...r u alrite?u r scaring me...serious...dun lie 2 me...dun lie 2 urself as well...
u msged me diz morning abt someting dat u r gonna do...wat is it?i dowanna lose the old ben i once knew...it's really very saddening 2 noe dat the ben i noe now aint the ben i once knew...

*return back soon in ur old self...*

haiz...
haiz...had a chat wif u last nite n well,i dun feel dat good now...hope dat u wun dwell over things dat will make u so troubled...try 2 look on the bright side of life n chill k?i wan u 2 b the happy boi i once knew...
as 4 V dae...im so sorri dat u were 1 step too late...i'll try 2 make it 4 ur date,i'll c how im able 2 plan out my dae on dat dae...but meanwhile,try 2 get another date or smth liddat so u wun b lonely...take care k?

long vacation is soon 2 end...
haiz...cny holz r ending soon le but the gd ting is dat u r cumin back tmr!haha...den u can haf back ur hp den i wun haf 2 worry abt takin gd gd gd care of ur hp...haha...
tink u'd b back sae in the afternoon?im nt too sure coz u din really tell me properly...but hope u really had lotsa fun at thailand...haha...
aniwae,diz few daez dat u aint here...things r pretty calm...nth major happened...he din make life hard 4 me...well yeahz,im fine...
aniwaez...juz waiting 4 ur safe return hm tmr!

Happy Lunar New Year!!!
yeahz!it's the chinese new yr le!!!haha...i juz woke up nt too long ago...shld b leavin hm later arnd 1pm?i dunno...haha...
aniwae,i wen out wif ben ydae,watched sch of rock...dat show really rocked man!haha...had fun wif ben,gr8 company...
u r at changi airport at the moment so by the time u r reading diz,u r safe n sound at the comfort of ur own hm...wish u'd u back soon...
ur last entry on ur journal was like so touching...so sweet...thx so much... :) im praying dat u'll recover frm wateva sickness u r suffering frm n enjoy urself alot during ur trip...
ok,i gtg n shower n get ready 2 go n bai nian le...happy lunar new yr!Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!

yay!yippie!yay!
i bought my shoes le...it's the nike shoes dat ive targetted for a long time oready...haha...i bought it at queensway but so sad i had 2 take the display set coz no more new pair 4 my size!
but nvm lahz,at least i got the shoes dat ive alwaes wanted...haha...cant wait 2 wear it...but tink i gotta buy another pair of shoes coz i bu she de wear my nike shoes 4 npcc training...hahaha...
yeahz...thx 4 goin 2 queensway wif me ydae yah?haha...n thx so much 4 sheltering me frm the rain n u urself got pretty wet...haha...hope u wun get a cold...muz take care k?somemore u r goin abroad le,all the more muz take care n haf fun...
k lahz...my computer lesson abt 2 start le...gtg...ciaoz!

gr8 dae...
yoz...juz got hm abt 1/2 hr ago...wen out wif mercurians...den aft dat met up wif ben,ting xian,jia en,derrick n edwin...
wen 2 suntec 2 chilled at the fountain of wealth...n althou it was juz a short while,i enjoyed his company...haha...
n oh yah,thx 4 sending me back yeahz?haha...so nice of u...aniwae,enjoyed myself pretty much...alritez,haf a nice wkend ahead...take care!

hmm...
my hair is straight now...but abit too flat at the fringe...now i understand y steph alwaes clip up her fringe during the 1st few daez wen sch re-opened...haha...
ok,goin out wif mercurians later at 3pm...dunno watz 2dae's plans...muz b juz walk walk arnd,look at our grp tee n c if the design is acceptable n datz abt it...haha...
hmm...sometimes i wish 2 b wif u coz u r a pretty gd bf material budden there r too mani barriers btwn us,n somehow i juz noe dat tings wun work out perfectly...so i'd rather we love each other as best pals n b alwaes there 4 each other wen we nid...so we'll juz let tings go wif fate n time n juz c how it all goes...
alritez im goin 2 prepare 2 go out...cheerios!

tired...
juz got hm abt 1/2 hr ago...stayed over at PHS last nite...so freakin tired now!slept at like 2.30am n woke at 5am coz cherry n i had 2 go 2 Hwa Chong JC 4 our road marshal duty 2 clear our probation...
oh yah ben,thanx 4 lending ur windbreaker 2 me last nite...w/o it i tink i wld haf been real frozen...sorri if i casued u ani inconvenience...im really grateful 4 ur windbreaker...
im sorri 4 all the torture u r goin thru but im sort of stuck now as well...somehow i cant really get myself out of diz situation...i hafta b sure not 2 make the same mistake again...sorri 4 kiping dat fact frm u...
n if u really wanna leave n nt care abt me animore,i understand perfectly...coz i noe dat u r tired of everyting...i really appreciate ur care n concern n im sorri dat i haven been showing my side......sometimes i am,but mayb nt it's nt obvious enuf 4 u...
aniwaez,i mite b rebonding my hair later...wonder if my parents will sponsor me...i hope so...okiez,i gtg,gonna catch some slp...very tired...

yay!
juz got hm...haha...wen 2 the hairdresser aft my trip dwn 2 phs...wen 2 cut my fringe!haha...now it's smth like wat ive alwaes wanted...haha...n mayb in march(during the 1 wk holz),im gonna straighten my hair...coz the auntie told me dat wif my hair length,it wun even cross 100 bucks n datz like so freakin cheap!haha...cant wait!

hmm...
u mentioned dat wen u r out wif me,u feel troubled...wat abt?i dun get u...izzit coz of how tings r at the moment or?
i worry 4 u weneva i read ur journal coz it's like u r so sad...i noe dat u r goin thru a rough patch now but try 2 lighten up ok?sometimes u really noe how 2 make me feel guilty,coz i seem 2 b the root 2 all dat u r goin thru now...mayb if we haven met back den,i tink u'd b a happier person...
but i juz wanna let u noe dat noein u was 1 of the greatest joy in my life...i really enjoy ur company n the love im gettin frm u...i dun eva wanna lose u as a fren,so plz pull urself 2gether...b the happy boi dat i once knew,i love u the wae u were...
i wanna b there 2 share ur ups n downs once again...so dun shut me out of ur life...
hmm...i gtg...sch ended oready,i nid 2 go 2 phs now...take care...

yippiez!
wen out wif ben 2dae aft sch...juz 2 spend time 2gether n look 4 my new yr clothes...
really had fun wif u 2dae my boi...althou it was like so lame?haha...walk arnd suntec n even strolled round carrefour!haha...hope u din feel 2pid goin arnd wif me...haha...
met my mum at 6pm,wen shoppin wif her!haha...juz got hm...time check: 2119 hrs ...she bought me a bottom n a top frm erm...wateva dat shop name is...starts wif B...haha...a shop in suntec...haha...still haven got my footwear thou...tink i gotta get it at my own expense...
ok lahz,overall i had fun 2dae...coz of the shoppin spree wif my mummy!hahaha...if onli im like damn freakin loaded den i'd go 4 diz kinda shoppin spree as often as i can man!haha...yay yay yay!i wan 2 go somemore shopping!
alritez ppl,i betta stop now...take care...luv u all!cheerios!

perplexed...
hey boy,haven i told u b4 dat i dowanna ruin our pleasant relationship now n by goin 1 step futher than it is now mite actually juz destroy everyting?i juz love tings the wae we r rite now...
i noe i haven really played my role as ur best pal all these yrs but it's coz i cant really find time 2 really settle dwn n haf a nice tok wif u or watsoeva...tink aft the talk wif martin will change my perception...meanwhile,u chill out n take care...

hahaha...
haha,skipped last 2 lectures(econs n accounts) 2dae...so i officially ended sch at 11am...haha...in the end,steph n i wen 2 orchard 2 wif daryl...apparently he skipped sch 2dae so yeahz,ended up goin shoppin wif us...
wen 2 sameer's n sau man's sec sch's sec 1 orientation campfire 2dae at pingyi sec at bedok...juz got hm abt sae 10 mins ago...haha...sebas n jay jay like persuaded(or forced rather)me 2 go sia...hahaha...
met up wif jay jay at novena n we took a cab dwn 2 bedok...n he paid 4 all expenses...so nice rite?haha...make me so paiseh onli...haha...somemore he dowanna accept my share of the taxi fare...make me feel even worse...haha...
but im very happy coz i somehow helped jay-jay quite alot wif his cindy biz...haha...i'd encourage him n he'd turn 2 me 4 advice etc,i feel so happy 2 b of such help...
we planned on how he'd 2 send cindy hm 2dae quite some time back n finally 2dae,he's 1 step closer 2 his goal...im happy 4 him...haha...
well guys,i tink i betta sign off now...got parade tmr somemore... *yawnz*...haha...nitez!

over...
it's over btwn us n i initiated it...i dunno y but i feel sad...ppl haf been tokin bad abt him,but frm my pt of view,i find him 2 b alritez...
i tink i juz dun c tings rite at the moment...im crushed n lost n i dunno wat 2 do...guess i hafta take some time off everyting...im juz wondering if diz is the choice n the path dat i really wanna take...i may regret my decision but onli time will tell...

nt a bad dae...
haha...ended sch abt 1 and 1/2 hrs earlier 2dae coz biz stats practical lecturer let us off earli...
wen 2 mit ben n his cousin n his cous's gf...haha...
aniwae the wae martin (ben's cous) spent money was terrible...he juz collected his pay n he splurged it on a pair of levi's jeans which was $100 over n a polo ralph t-shirt which cost $97...omg,he really noes how 2 spend!haha...aniwae,i tink it's fun 2 gif urself a treat once in awhile esp wen u r pretty loaded...cool shit!

oh man...
argh!my sandflies bites r still itching like mad!it's been almost a mth oready!yet it's still itchin a lot!i cannot take it animore!i wanna tear my skin off man!n the marks r so red n ugly...im prayin hard dat the marks wun leave scars...
the medication the doc gave me doesnt seem 2 haf ani effect on me man!now...the itch is cumin back 2 me again...seems like it's itchier than b4...oh man...
i tink i gotta buy some skin repair cream 2 remove those ugly red marks...it's killin me!argh!i gotta do smth abt it...
oh no...tmr sch is startin...so boring!haiz...haven had enuf holidae yet...more than 2 wks was spent on my CI course n so much of my time on NPCC...i haven even had some fun n now sch is startin?!
i betta stop here n get goin...ITCHY!hahaha...take care dudes!

whoa!
1st ting's 1st...wen 2 Conrad Hotel 2dae for dinner at Oscar's...so full!now still feel so bloated man!hahaha...
ben,u made a changing pt in my life as well,a pretty gr8 impact...but it's a gd ting...im glad dat i met u...it's really a miracle dat we met(considering dat we met thru a real funny wae)...guess diz is fate...
remember that whichever gal u choose,make sure dat she's a gd gal,i dowan u 2 regret ur choice again...n if i haf a comment,do heed it,coz most of the time i rite abt it...so yah,thx 4 bein so caring 2wards me...love u alwaez...take care!

happy new yr!!!
yay!it's 2004 oready!haha...happy new yr 2 all!hahaha...i juz got up...reach hm onli at 7.20am diz morning...haha...stayed out the whole nite...was really very fun...i got bullied by Jay-Jay,Sebastian n Ahmad...so bad,the 3 of dem kept squashin me btwn dem!
met deltarians at 4pm n alot of dem were late,onli Jay-Jay n Raymond were quite punctual...so yeahz,we juz sat at orchard mrt n waited 4 all the late comers...
aft dat,we went 4 dinner at long john's silver at cineleisure...cant believe we went ALL the wae 2 orchard juz 2 eat fast food...zZzZz!!!
aft dinner,we booked tickets at Lido for Ju-On 2 at 1am...haha...wen dwn 2 esplanade 4 the countdwn...the fireworks were SO SO SO pretty!wun 4get last nite...
aft countdwn,we rushed back 2 orchard 2 catch the show...haha...storyline of Ju-On 2 was lame but bearable,scary enuf...the onli ting i cldnt stand was ppl screaming,esp the gals behind...so noisy ok!Jay-Jay n i were like laffing thru the show coz Sameer had some really very lame jokes...haha...he was like saein the ghost was like a robot...so everytime she appeared,he'll sae dat n we'll start laffing...ppl muz haf tot dat we were nuts coz it's a horror show n yet we were laffin...
aft the movie,we walked back 2 esplanade...but din really go straight 2 esplanade...the 13 of us walked arnd like a buncha idiots...wahaha...can u imagine how much walkin we did?haha...we stayed over at esplanade...really very fun...
took the morning train hm wif Ahmad n Jay-Jay n dropped off at yck wif Jay-Jay...haha...he lent me a hand 2 get me up in the mrt but i used the pole instead n he gave me the -_- face,so cute...muahaha...
all i can sae is deltarians rox!n i'll rem diz countdwn 4 a long time...