trying hard...
thanx 4 nt giving up on me...althou we r juz best pals,im glad u r showing me more care than wat i deserve...im grateful 4 dat...
im sad dat u r hurt but still strive on 4 me...but rem 1 ting : if u wld 2 meet a gal u fancy,go 4 it,i'll alwaes b here 2 support u,dun dwell on tings...i wan u 2 b happy...
im tryin my best 2 b as happy as i can b...i juz nid more time...i nid 2 leave the mess i made 4 myself...n his cluthces r too strong...i tried real hard last nite,i had enuf of everyting...it was really tiring 4 me last nite...now im all puffed up... =(
2dae is new year's eve...enjoy urself at the chalet...b happy...

swollen eyes,heavy heart...
juz had a tiff wif him...n now dat im chattin wif u online,i still dun feel betta coz u r troubled...n ur troubles r makin me troubled as well...ur entry was so hurtin...i really dunno wat 2 sae but im glad dat u said wat u really feel...
im at a lost now...even ur cousin told u 2 gif up on me...if he strongly feels dat im nt worth it 4 wateva u r doin 4 me,den mayb u shld listen 2 him...mayb the msg u put across 2 him was dat im in the wrong...datz y...it's nt as if i wanna b in the situation dat i am in now.
i had enuf of cryin...it's too tiring...dunno if i'd enjoy myself at the countdwn tmr...haiz...

countdwn tmr...
tmr is the countdwn 4 2004!goin 2 countdwn wif the deltarians!
as 4 u,i wish u'll bring me back...dun leave me behind...i dun wish 2 go thru wat im goin thru now...im in a fix,n u noe my condition the best,so u r the 1 hu understands it all the best...
as 4 how im goin 2 get outta the mess im in,i really haf no idea...i nid ur support alot...coz u r my best pal,my pillar in life...don't gif up hope on me...
aniwae he doesn't haf 2 noe wat we said,coz it's so none of his biz...i noe wat kinda person he is now...mr super buaya...dunno lahz,cant b bothered oready aniwae...
hey!im glad dat ur mood is improving oready!muz b coz of ur GD88 rite?hahaha...n dun use dat pic aniwhere,coz it's dumb...look so toot...nxt time muz take betta 1...haha...muz take wif me lah,dun alwaes ask me 2 take alone!hahaha...

mercury's outing!
yay!juz got hm...wen out wif my ATC mercury grp 2dae...so fun...althou all we did was juz eat n tok n walk arnd...oh yah,made a trip 2 the arcade as well...haha...din noe chee wee cld dance para para so well...haha...

i tink my decision's not the rite one...

cum back 2 me...
hmm...last nite was a pretty fun dae...wen 2 roszian's hse(at pasir ris) for dinner...peeps hu wen were: ahmad,aslam,saiful,emily,sylvia,xianping n i...dinner at roszian's place was good...yummy...the drumstick was like so freakin big...aft dat we wen 2 pasir ris beach but cldnt stay long coz we were all so afraid of missing the last bus!so dat was how i spent my xmas nite...
as 4 u...im sorri dat u found out n it din came frm me...sorri 2 hide it frm u all diz while...i knew u'd b hurt datz y i chose 2 kip quiet n fill u in later wen i tink it's the rite time...i noe u r feelin dwn n i dun feel good either...i shldnt haf kept it frm u but i juz din noe how 2 tell u...
tings aint goin too well btwn him n i...had a major quarrel wif him last nite (xmas nite)...im startin to doubt my choice oready...
im seriously very apologetic...wenever i was out wif u,i din noe how 2 face u...it was a tuff job tryin 2 kip smth so major frm u...
now dat u noe,plz try nt 2 b too affected...dun feel dat u've lost me k?im still here 4 u,will alwaes b...n plz dun distant urself frm me again like the wae u did mani times b4...i miz u...

xmas eve!
it's the holly season once again!wen out wif ben 2dae...wen 2 suntec n searched 4 Lay's potato chips,coz i was craving 4 it...haha...
den we went 2 esplanade's rooftop n rotted up there munching on chips!how sinful but aye,wat the heck!it's good 2 indulge once in awhile!aft dat we sat by the bay,enjoy the breeze there n once again,i popped sinful stuff in2 my mouth!candy floss!man,im sucha pig!
so yeahz,we practically spent the dae liddat...haha...althou din do much,the time spent was nice,haven been spending much time wif him so it's worth it!had fun,really...
miting him later 2nite 4 the so-called countdwn...hahaha...exchanging gifts wif him...kaoz!i so paiseh 2 gif him his gift sia!so maluating!hahaha...merry xmas 2 all!cheerios!

life is so unpredictable...
sometimes i really wonder y our lives r shaped diz wae...y do tings happen the wae dey happen?izzit oready fated 2 b liddat or wat?i really do wonder...
wen tings seems 2 b gettin on the right track,somehow or another smth crops up n now,we seem 2 b back at square 1 again...dun understand y all these r happening...
as 4 u,i thank u 4 the sweetness im gettin frm u,i really appreciate wat u've done 4 me as well as wat u r doin 4 me...i seriously dunno where 2 find sum1 else hu's as nice as u...so plz go back 2 ur usual cheery self,i miz the old u...i want alwaes there wen u nided me,n i noe sometimes i dun pay enuf attention 2 u,but u hafta understand dat i haf my own issues.im glad dat u care so much 4 me n sometimes i feel so pampered n so loved...
i really wan us 2 b alwaes in touch 4eva,n u'll alwaes b my guardian angel,the best i eva had...

dammit!
haiz...xmas is round the corner n im sufferin frm sandfly bites!it's so damn freakin itchy!feel like chopping my limbs off man!n im nt supposed 2 scratch dem coz it'll spread like wild fire!argh!
oh aniwae,i really had fun ever since my CIBTC ended...been goin out wif my squadmates till late everydae like abt 10pm...hahaha...hope dat 1 dae we'll haf a full delta squad outing or a mercury grp outing...so song!hahaha...
well,im goin back 2 PHS tmr 4 the 1st time as a WCI...hahaha...shiok!wonder how tings will b like man!muahahah!

n ben!im oso happy dat tings r so ok btwn us now...haha...hope tings will alwaes b so peaceful n happy!take care dude...

yippie!
finally graduated ydae!!!hahaha...wen 4 diz xtra ceremonial parade 2dae n will last till 19th...it's an experience so i dun mind goin 4 it...
took mani pics on my graduation...so memoriable...n i'll miss my squadmates n mercury grp mates sia...haha...hope we'll kip in contact alwaes...hahaha!
aww...hope jay-jay will cum back soon den we deltarians can go out as a full squad!hahaha...i simply luv our squad gatherings!we r like a bunch of nutters man!
was at orchard wif dem ydae n we were like cheering all the wae...our 3 cheers wif the high block,low block,middle block,PULL BACK SIR!!!hahaha...fun man!
oh yah,my mercury grp won the best improvement grp award during ATC n i personally won the best shooter 4 female...hahaha...got a plaque wif my name on it as well,how cool...im so thrilled!

awaiting...
tmr's the last dae of my course...i cant wait!but i'll miss my batch mates...dey r a bunch of very lovable ppl!oh yah,jay-jay left at 3.30pm 2dae coz he gotta attend his sis's graduation in australia...shiok rite?!hahaha...he took loads of pics 2dae we took one 2gether too!muahaha!
no jay-jay n my squad seems so quiet,nt the same...he'll b back onli on xmas dae...so long!but he'll b gettin us gifts...swt rite?hehe...
yay!i cant wait 4 tmr!!!it's the last dae of my course!!!hahaha...im goin bonkers but i seriously cant wait lor...but i'll realli miss all the peeps in the 65th batch CIBTC...no worries thou,coz we deltarians will alwes kip in touch n i seriously hope so lor...hahaha...i juz cant wait 4 diz 2 end!

im back!!!
im finally back back back frm ATC!!!!!
well...apparently my ATC group (mercury) angered the instructors there on dae 2 of the camp n mr seong threatened 2 send us back...meaning we gotta OOC...so demoralising ok!
but we proved our worth n we made it up 4 our wrong doings the following daez...hahaha!althou it's tough lah budden it's really a memoriable ting...moreover,my grp got diz "wake up call" frm mr seong so it really did us a lotta good...mercury were treated like shit but we climbed n soar thru!i can really sae dat diz cant b done w/o bonding n good team work!
im like so freaking happy dat everyting is finally over le!left 2 more daez n the whole course is over!
oh yahz...im darker than b4 now,all thanx 2 kayaking n rafting...hahaha!cheers!

muahaha...
tmr's ATC oready!!!n coz im under logistics,i gotta reach PA by 6.30am tmr mornin!n guess wat...haha...2dae aft dismissal,jay-jay n i walked out 2gether n at the bus stop he asked if im able 2 make it dwn 2 PA dat earli n was like saein dat mayb i can get a ride frm him...hahaha!n of coz i agreed to his offer lah,hu wldnt rite?den i wldnt nid to lug my barang barang on the public bus!
so yahz,jay-jay agreed 2 try 2 get his dad 2 send cherry n i 2 PA tmr...haha...so nice of him 2 offer man!hahaha...gotta go n pack my tings 4 tmr's ATC le...meanwhile u guys take care!

ATC cumin up!
sianz...ATC cumin up le...on wed...so boring!
ydae afew of my squadmates n i met up 2 do the knots n lashings chart thingy...the few of us were jason,sylvia,emily,jay-jay n i...hahaha...was pretty fun lahz...we like left orchard onli at 9pm...late sia!somemore all of us haven done up our uniforms etc etc...jay-jay n i stopped at yck n took bus frm the same bus stop...yippie!haha...he's pretty cute lahz...hahaha...
ok ok...i betta stop harping on n on abt him...so happy dat aft diz course we r gonna haf a squad outing n den kip in touch...apparently jay-jay oready invited us 4 his sch's dunno wat event...so cool...
alritez,tink i betta get back 2 my uniform(as usual...)...cyaz!

yay!
it's finally the wkend!so happy!can finally get some rest!hahaha...had .38 classification shoot 2dae...was pretty good...fun...n my score was considered as quite good lahz...haha...
so tired now...feel like slping but cant coz later gotta go out at arnd 5 plus...den tmr i gotta mit up wif my ATC grp 2 do the flag...so shitty...haha...but can get 2 c Jay-Jay...so interesting!
ah heck sia...i wanna rest!!!

soon it'll b over...(i hope)...
4th dae is over...stepping in2 the 5th dae of training tmr...was chosen as my squad's drill IC,still got 3 more other ppl wif me(Jay-Jay, Sebastian and Roszian),so dat shows some standard?haha...
im seriously aching all over man...i nid a gd massage aft my course...both my feet hurts like hell now...aching like shit...been runnin too much man!but it's a gd form of exercise!hahaha...
ah shucks!i gtg now...gotta do all the homework posted by my CIIs n do up my uniform again(as usual)...so shitty...kk,ciaoz!

tired is all i can sae...
2dae's the 3rd dae of my CIBTC n im so tired!im so tired dat i dun really noe the real meaning of bein tired...guess im immune 2 watz bein called tired...haha...shows how much life diz course is takin outta me!im juz so tired dat my mind aint functioning properly...
well,i juz hope 2 b still half alive aft the end of diz course which is on the 16th dec...i wanna live!diz is suckin too much energy frm me...pray hard i can live thru it!
alritez,guess im boring u guys out...cheerios!

damn!
i juz entered hell!1st dae of training 2dae was like so...URGH!all i can sae is dat i juz set 1 foot of mine in2 hell n seems like there's no turning back animore...dammit!
im left wif 13 more daez of torture...how m i gonna survive?haiz...haiz...k lahz,gtg n do up my uniform le...ciaoz!